I am Calm because Jesus Carries me
- Jana Strickler
- Jan 12
- 2 min read
I was on my knees in my bedroom, and my junior high fingers flipped through the crinkled pages of God's Word. I highlighted verses focused on peace, comfort, healing, and anything that would speak to the ache in my heart. If I wasn't looking up scripture, I was pulling my hair or slapping myself to relieve the isolation and muteness I felt every time I was around other kids. The stings on my arms and cheeks never appeased the black hole of suffocation within. I didn't know how to express to anyone the emotions I felt, so I kept my mouth shut and found ways to endure.
The feelings of loneliness and invisibility among my classmates escalated from hair pulling and slaps to thoughts of ending my life. I played out in my mind what would happen if I showed up in school and held a gun to my head. Would anyone even see or care? When I got my driving license, my mind played a movie of me driving at full speed and turning the wheel towards a ditch. I never attempted to act on the thoughts because I knew I had responsibilities, and the action would hurt my family. Yet, I needed something to stop the pain within, because my actions and thoughts couldn't mend or stop the hot stakes piercing my heart.
One night as I flipped through the pages of Psalms, my eyes stopped on a verse. Tears slipped out of the corner of my eye as I whispered the words, "Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day He carries us in His arms." In my mind, I saw Jesus pick me up and cradle me in His arms, including all the aches and pains of loneliness and silence in my heart. This was what I was searching for, so I branded the verse into my heart and mind.
Waves of loneliness would sometimes crash over me and suck me out into the ocean deep to drown me throughout middle school, high school, college, and post-college. Before the pull could tug my mind down into fear of silence and isolation, Jesus reminded me I did not have to panic; I did not have to thrash; I did not have to rescue myself. I was calm in the midst of feeling lonely because Jesus scooped me up out of the water and carried me in His arms.
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Your turn.
Who are you because of Jesus through the letter 'C'?
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